hmmmm duno wats happening on thi club but owell- i'[ve finally joined a gym wo0oow! after yers of wanting 2 but being to young to actually get in :S
the only problem is tho that for some bizzare reason i ctn stop eating :(
i ad all my eating habits under control like last wekk and i actually began to loose the weight but now am kinda gaining all that i lost back and it kinda hurets coz its like all my hard efforts are being thrown right in the water :(
i jus sit their like a couch potatoe and eat the life out of everythin wich is pretty pathetic wen i think about it.
other thing are ok- actually no their not, my family isn't, my relationsip isnt coz i feel like am nder a lot of strain to loose the weight for my bf's sake and also to proove a point to my family my bf and most of all my enemy.... am, not even going to sa who she is or they are but i jus want to get rid of tis unwanted, unclean and disgusting fat that i have.
at the moment am feeling rather bloted and kinda sick coz i've eaten so much this other girl however has had nothing to eat and that just makes me feel so damn bad and pathetic bwt me self :( booo
anywa i tink amo go on facebook and moan about my weight... n hopefully i wont eat any more....
 chaoxxx

therz not that much progress but am like a lil ok coz there is a few noticable things like how my back looks bonier but my legs dont they are actually derpressing.... actually comming to think of it it is only ma legs that i need to work on coz their the onez that make me look fat!! i hate them so much... u knw when u hate someting that you wouldnt mind just doing surgery on it yourself- i sometimes tend to think that one day amo be obsessed with surgery lol but well wen i get the money am definatly going for a leg reduction and a stomach one probably stop me from being such a fat arse but u knw we'll see.
atleast i havn't eaten too much today... i couldnt even fininsh a plat of noodelz how gr8 is that really lol!!! anyway am like totally bored n stressed coz like my exams are comming up and all so am gonna go try and revise at least i got an A* for my r.e and scored 73% in ma maths test that sorta makes me feel better but the weight thing doesnt so amo try work out and try to jus get rid of this fat.
am gonna g buy these diet pillz n try em but am kinda nerviouse coz i've never had any so i hope am like gonna be okay wit them and that they'll actually help me loos some weight. i wannna get down to atleast 7stone 5.....

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: break the ice

SO AM GOING ON A 20 DAY FAST WERE AM BASICALLY GONNA LEAVE ON WATER N JUICES THAT HV NO LESS THAN 10 CALS N LIKE THE HIGHES AMOUNT OF CALS I'LL BE TAKING A MAXIMUM OF 300 CALS A DAY... DECIDED TO RIGHT THIS BECAUSE I ACTUALLY DO IT WEN I WRITE IT DOWN BECAUSE LIIKE I FEEL ASHAMED IF I DONT DO THEM SO YH...
ANYWAYS ANO LIKE A GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT 15 BLOODY POUNDZ!!!!! BUT AM LOOSING IT SLOWLY COZ LIKE I HV 3 COMPETITORS N I WAS IN THE LEAD BUT AM LAST SO GATTA CATCH UPXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
AM GONNA DO 100 SITUPS BEFORE I GO BED N SOME LEG SQUATES NOT REVISED AT ALL THO BUT SHALL TRY ANYWAYS OFF TO CLEAN WHILE I TINK BWT HW MUCH AM MISSING MA BF; :(

Tags: wen u went a dress size up!!
Current Location: NOWHERE
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: STRONGER

OMG!! i cnt belive it i lost a lot of weight yh but then mum saw me changing on day n she was like "i cnt belive hw skinny u've gotten" i didnt even tink i was skinny i was like 8 stone and then she made me go on this diet to gain weight i was so piced coz i was force fade n everything.
this happen during the new year season by the way n i had accomplished so much- so close to my goal weight but something jus had 2 get in teh way didnt it?
anyway after aount 3 months i had to go inn for my weight in... foind out i gani 15 pounds which is a lot that liek a stone n a half n like a dress size omfg!!  I HATE MY SELF 2 MUCH
N MA BF TINGS ITS SEXY BUT ME i jus tinbk its fatty n flabby n i hate it :( so am a on a new diet... 2day mum monitured me n made me have ma break fast n lunch n snack n stuff but i  aint gonna have my dinner after all it all starts with lil sacrifices init!! so am gonna do somen exercices n stuff 4 bwt an houre n then i gatta start revising 4 lik2 2 hours if i aint tired ama do some more excercices hmmmmm i cnt wait 2 go bak 2 my normal weight :) n me bf is getting me some slimming piulls so they'l helo 4 sure.
WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!! 

Tags: 15 pounds heavier
Current Mood: aggravated

MMMMMMMMM NOT BEEN HERE FOR TIME COZ I'VE LIKE BEEN BUSY WITH MA EXAMS AND ALL BUT WAW SO MUCH STUFF HAS HAPPEN...........
I CONVERTED INTO A VEGITERAIN LOST ABOUT NEARLY A STON THEN MY MUM SAW ME ONE DAY WHEN I WOZ CHANGING AND SAID THAT I WENT TOO SKINNY I WOZ LIKE TRYING TO JUSTIFY MYSELF AND TRYING TO SHOW HER THAT I STILL HAD A LOT OF FAT IN MY BODY BUT SHE WOULDNT LISTEN THEN I WOZ LIKE FORCED TO EAT UNTIL I PUT ON LIKE  NEARLY A STONE, BEFORE I KNEW IT IT WOZ XMAS.... U KNOW WOT THAT MEAN- FOOD FOOD AND MORE FOOD.
I WENT FAT YOU CUD HARDLY SEE THE BONES ANYMORE THEN I GOT SCARED SO I WOZ LIKE PLANNING MY DIET AND ALL.
BEFORE WE CLOSED FOR THE XMAS BREAK I WOZ LIKE THE SKINNIEST OF ALL MY FRENDZ N EVER 1 WOZ LIKE TELLING ME HOW SKINNY I HAD STARTED 2 LOOK BUT THEN AFTER I WENT FAT I WOZ LIKE ASKING MY  MATE 2 COME FOR A SLEEP OVER.
SO LIKE THAT DAY I WOZ FEELING REALLY CONFIDENT N THINKING THAT I HA CUT DOWN ON A LOT OF WEIGHT BUT THEN MY BEST M8 TOOK HER CLOTHES OFF WHEN WE WERE CHANGING INTO OUR PJ'S AND OMG U CUD LIKE SEE HER RIBS N EVERYTHING SHE LIKES HAD SMALL HIPS HARDLY A BUM AND A VERY CONCAVE BELLY!!!!! I WOZ SHOCKED N JUST THINKING "SOME 1 HAD BEEN THROWING UP" I CNT THROW UP THOUGH LIKE NO MATTER HW MUCH I TRY.......
SO NOW I STARTED A NEW DIET AN NEW EXECRISES THAT AM TRYING 2 COMMITE 2 AND HOPFULLY I WILL LIKE STICK TO IT AND ALL........THERZ JUST 2 MUCH BAD NEWS TO WRITE ABOUT BUT HOPFULLY THE REST OF YOU ARE GOING TO BE DOING BETTER AND I HOP THAT U ALL STICK TO U;RE DIET.

Current Location: DINNING
Current Mood: depressed

i'VE BEEN DOING OK FOR THE PAST 4 WEEKS. I MEAN THREE WEEKS AGO I GOT SO SKINNY IT WAS SCARING ME... AND STUOIDLY I DECIDED TO GAIN A BIT MORE WEIGHT AND SAID THAT I WOULOD TRY TO MAINTAIN IT LIKE THAT, BUT I COULDN'T.
I OVER ATE AND KNOW I'VE GONE BACK TO 114POUNDS WHICH MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY BAD.
WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORINING THOUGH I LOOK QUIET SKINNY... I MEAN MY BELLY IS FLAT! I HAVE BONES ON MY BACK! I'VE LOST MOST OF MY BUM! AND SOME OF MY RIBS STICK OUT! THAT MADE ME FEEL A BIT BETTER AND MADE ME REALISE THAT I SHOULD LEARN TO BE PROUD OF MY SELF INSTEAD OF SULKING ALL THE TIME.
DID I FORGET TO METION THAT MY SPINE HAS RECENTLY STRATED POPPING OUT! IT LOOKS OK... NOT YET GREAT.
MY SCALE BROKE SO I CAN'T WEIGH MYSELF. AM GOING TO BUT A NEW ONE AT ASDA 2MORROW.
I THINK AM ROUND BOUT 50 KG NOW WHICH IS ABOUT 110 POUNDS IT'S NOT THAT BAD BUT I NEED TO LOOSE 10 MORE.
AM JUST SCARED OF WHEN I GET TO SCARY SKINNY- I SOMETIMES GET TO SCARED AND DECIDE TO EAT A LITTLE, BUT OH WELL I'LL TRY NOT TO GIVE INTO BEING FAT!
AM MORE POSITIVE NOW THOUGH. WUW

Tags: positive
Current Location: bedroom
Current Mood: YEAY
Current Music: LOVE IS GONE

am a bit angry today but happy at the same time!.... angry because today i was comming from school and i saw this gang of guys and am really not into their type so i just minded my own business and kept on walking ( i was exusted my the way cause i had double p.e lessons and after wards had cricket then had to walk home!) then all of sudden ( i was with my little sister by the way) this guy who was supposidly the gange leader startes running and the other guys were wistling at me! eeeeeeeerrrrrrrr they were cute anyway but i just don't go for them any way he startes practically charging after me and i though he was like... going to grab my bag or something, but insted.............................the stupid indiot aims right for my arse! lol (i just wanted to shout MY ARSE ISN'T THAT BIG! but he was to far gone for me to do anything. i would have slapped him you know cause i do self defence and i could have practically kicked his broke arse!
then after wards i walked to my brothers house and was dressed up! my heels were killing me... then when i was comming back i decided to wear flats but i looked spot on in them and cars were honcking and people were wistling at me i was flattered, but don't they have lives of their own to get on with rather than look at the pretty girl walking in the street? 
has anyone seen my pictures yet ^_^ they are so cute i think actually they are ok.
any ways am starving and trying not to eat anything cause i've binged 3 times today and i hate that altough i can't help but think that i havn't burnt every thing yet.
i can't wait to go to argose to get my excercise thingy! yeay i can exercise at home phew!
talk to you laters people and pleas write back i feel like nobody loves me! plz i get so bored if no one writed back *-*

Tags: yay or nay
Current Location: bedroom
Current Mood: crazy

so am feeling a bit ok! but some how disapointed with the fact that i can't exactley stop my self from eating- like even if am not hungry i still eat what the heck is the matter with me?
any way today we're going out and i don't plane on having anything to eat today really.... am getting hungry really quick.
i can't wait for my kick boxing session though it just tones my legs down so much... i got some pictures of myself if any one wants to see them.
i've had three bad days in fact the hole week has been terrible! i had a hadache for 4 days non- stop cause of the tooth ache i had, you would think i would stop eating cause of that, but nop i didn't infact i ate even more than i ate without the tooth ache- it's terrible what's happening am going to go fat i tell ya! fat....................................................................................................................
their's this girl at my school and she sits in front of me in every single lesson she's got the perfect fig and i hate her for that am just so jelouse.
any way my freinds keep teeling me that am skinny and i should stop now before i go too far but nop i shall not what's to say that they are just you know jelouse or that they just want to make me fat lol! i don't know i guess i just feel mest up cause am thinking of a lot of things right now am feeling kinda stressed out! i hate it when i get like this i was doing so well last week and i had more self controle i guess i should stop blabing and get my fat arse to strat doing some form of exercise.
laters people!!

Tags: bad bad week
Current Location: bedroom still in my pj's
Current Mood: envious
Current Music: failure

i was so shocked i can practicaly see feel and taste my lungs they feel weired cause they've never poped out before.... they wern't here a wekk ago i just did one class of my usaul kick boxing which i didn't do for six weeks by the way and found them poping out the next day..
they hurt though... cause every single muscle of my body is hurting since i did kick boxing maybe cause i havn't done it for a lond time! anyway i don't have hip-bones (yet) but i have my ribs or lungs whatever which every one at school wants to see.
i don't eat that much when school starts probaley cause i don't have time to am always occupied with something.
i can't weigh myself cause my little sis broke my scale but last time i was 8 stone 3 i will be so pissed of if i've gained although it's not possible that i have! is it?
any way am really happy cause i am not as fat anymore, but i still have problems with my hips and thighs any body have any suggestions on how to trim these ugly wabley flees? pllllllllllllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz tell me am desparete!
ps; am almost skinnier than my freind and she is really skinny she feels intimidated that she now looks almost fatter then me and now she's bascally lying that she weighs 7 stone and yet she is forgettting that last time she told me that she weghed 53 k.g wich is 8 stone 2 or somewhere their any way it's not how much she weighs that i care about it's how skinnier than her i look.
i think this is how i even BEGAN TO DIET YEAH! SOME TOLD ME THAT I WASN'T THAT SKINNY I WAS THIN AND NOT SKINNY AND PEOPLE STARTED TO DEBATE ABOUT WHO WAS SKINNIER (THIS WAS IN MY P.E CLASS BY THE WAY) AND NOW I LOOK SKINNIER AND AM GONNA RUB IT IN THEIR FACES HA! SORRY FOR THAT........... 
PSS; I GOT AN A+ FOR MY ENGLISH COURSEWORK THAT MEANS I GOT A+ FOR ENGLISH AND A*  FOR R.E EVERYTHING IS GOING GREAT!
PSSS; CHECK OUT MY PICS AND SOMMENT PLZ

Tags: yeay!
Current Location: STILL IN MY UNIFORM
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: DO IT WELL

tomorrow am going to argose to buy some exercising stuff cause then i can exercise without having to go out in the cold. our weather here is pretty crap it's always raining and i don't want to risk getting a cold cause it takes me ages to get better and my voice is horsey for ages i don't like it cause it makes some people think i drink. any way am a size 6 or 8 u.k i fit in both but 8 fits me better than 6. 6 is a bit tighter.... which means am a size 4 in the u.s yeay am getting their so when i get down to a size 6 it means am going to be a size 2 and when i get down to my goal which is a size 4 i will finaly be a size 0 yeay! i feel happy already.
i tried on a pair of size 12 jeana and they just fall off me easy! they don't even fot me.... isn't life grand! 
am going on a liquid diet for 3 days and if my weight drops am going to continue it for 1 more week. i did this cause my scale was giving me mixed readung wich is really anoying i want to go dowm to utleast 94LBS am a 108 which i so hate anywho wish me luck i'll be posting my pics of my belly later today
==============================================================================================================
stay strong ladies 
                                lv u all xxx

Tags: gotta buy some
Current Location: in my p.j's in the dinning room
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: told another lie